


Tired Of Everything

by kickassfu



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Akumatized Chat Noir, Angst, F/M, SADrien, So much angst, not romantic - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7206059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kickassfu/pseuds/kickassfu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything's too much. It hurts and Adrien is so tired of pretending to be alright, of being happy. Until he decides to give in to the darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tired Of Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cescalia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cescalia/gifts).



> This is a bday present for cescalia! She asked for Chat Blanc and basically I didn't know what to do with it...it was hard for me to write it? I'm not particularly happy with the result but wtv. Hopefully y'all like it :/ There aren't really shipping moments, this is mostly angst...sorry!

It had been a rough day. Rougher than usual. Everything that could go wrong, did. 

 

Today the feeling of loneliness was stronger. He woke up missing his mother, the person who loved him unconditionally, who understood him better than anyone - with the bright smile and tight hugs - there was a hole in his heart and it was only growing bigger.

 

His father’s distance hurt him harder than ever before, Adrien could feel the harshness of his stare prickle his skin, the pain of it all tug at his heartstrings and drown him in the sorrow of knowing how alone he truly was. 

 

School was difficult, after all if a smile wasn’t etched on his face at all times people would  _ see _ , they would realize that he wasn’t happy...he hadn’t been, not in a long time. The mask was crumbling and it was getting harder and harder to keep it up, to pretend everything was alright, that he was  _ fine _ . 

 

The photoshoot was excruciating, exhaustion seeping through his bones and a headache pounding on his head, ripping him apart from the seams, but he  _ couldn’t _ stop, he wasn’t allowed to and honestly seeing the utter disappointment in his father’s eyes would be too much to bear, so he kept going through it with willpower alone. 

 

The day wasn’t over though, he’d still have to shed this mask for another one and just keep fighting for a few more hours. Another day, another time, maybe he’d feel the wholeness and happiness of meeting his lady lift his spirits, but he didn’t. Adrien only felt a sense of emptiness and heartache. Plagg had tried to talk to him, but even his usual antics made no difference - he was just so  _ tired _ , so very tired of it all.

 

Still, he went through the motions -  _ because it was expected of him _ \- and transformed. No feeling of freedom washed over him, the magical power didn’t help one bit, he was still  _ broken _ . 

 

He made his way towards their meeting place, ready to plaster a smirk on his face and prepared for her not to notice it. 

 

_ Nobody ever noticed. _

 

**XXXXXX**

 

When he arrived Ladybug still wasn’t there. As if he needed more time to himself, more time for his wandering thoughts - he just wanted to drop into his bed and sleep, for a few hours or maybe a few years, _ that’d be nice. _

 

Ladybug eventually arrived, cutting into his depressing thoughts. She sat next to him and apologized for being late.

 

“It’s alright buginette, we do have lives outside of being amazing superheroes.” he winked and smirked at her, actions completely mechanical and devoid of any true emotion.

 

She just stared at him, as if she was looking at a puzzle and somehow a piece was misplaced, but as much as she tried, Ladybug couldn’t see it. Something felt off about her partner though, “Is everything alright Chat?”

 

He looked shocked, it was just for a fleeting second, so fast she almost thought she had imagined it...but the way he looked at her, with confusion and fear lighting his eyes - as if she just barged in where she was never supposed to go - that told her Chat Noir was not ok. 

 

“Paw-lease, of course I am, my lady. Couldn’t be better.” he said smiling.

 

It didn’t look like he was lying, but she just couldn’t shake this sinking feeling, that something bad was coming and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

 

“Chat, you can talk to me. You don’t have to pretend to be fine when you’re not.” she pleaded with him, squeezing his arm for comfort.

 

He  _ laughed _ . What else was he supposed to do? 

 

“I don’t have to pretend?! You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s all I do. Pretend I’m ok. Pretend I’m happy. Pretend I’m not lonely. Pretend I’m not completely falling apart. Pretend I can keep going…”

 

The tears started clouding his eyes, but still the laughter never stopped.

 

“You don’t have to pretend with me chaton.” 

 

“Stop being a hypocrite Ladybug. Of course I have to, I’ve tried to tell you my identity, I wanted you to know. I wanted to be able to be me, not just a part of me but the whole mess that I truly am. Not just the puns and jokes, but the lonely boy beneath it all. But you never let me. You were just another person I had to pretend with. Because if I’m not ok, how can I be a superhero? How could I ever live up to you, if you knew how truly broken I was inside?”

 

It hurt; his heart was beating erratically, harshly bruising his ribs and his breathing was harsh, the screaming burning his throat. His headache had come back with a vengeance, a million needles burrowing deep into his brain. His whole body was in pain, and he just wanted to let it all go so bad. 

 

Darkness approached him and for once Adrien didn’t fight it, he accepted it. 

 

_ If God couldn’t make it better, maybe the Devil could. _

 

The fluttering of wings was loud in his ears - almost deafening - and then he heard  _ him _ .

 

“Chat Blanc. I am Hawkmoth. I’m giving you the freedom and power to be who you truly want. You won’t have to worry about what other people want or need, you’ll be able to live for yourself. In return, all I ask is that you bring me the miraculous.”

 

Adrien knew that if he wanted he could push him out, he could fight and keep fighting until he was once again feeling whole but all he wanted was to give in - and so he did.

 

“Yes, Hawkmoth.” as soon as he said the words, his suit turned completely white and he felt lighter - as if an insurmountable weight had been lifted from inside him.

 

Ladybug could only stare, there was nothing that she could do to stop it. It was  _ her _ fault, she had missed all signs of her friend’s unhappiness -  _ she had done nothing _ \- and now her partner was gone and in his place was an akuma. 

 

How could she have let this happen?

How could she do this without him?

 

“My lady.” a vicious smile was stretched upon his lips, his - once green - pink eyes were focused on her and he bowed with a flourish of his hand. 

 

It looked wrong. Such a familiar action felt wrong coming from him, the movements were different, the meaning was off, it just wasn’t Chat Noir anymore.

 

Ladybug looked down -  _ for just one second _ \- to try and compose herself, to think of what to do, but when she looked up he was gone. And suddenly she was hit from behind, his staff making contact with her head. She stumbled and fell to the ground, nausea overcoming her senses.

 

“Well, you really shouldn’t look away from your enemy Ladybug. Or you might lose more than just your miraculous.” his voice was playful - white, sharp teeth showing - while he twirled his staff, but his eyes were serious -  _ deadly _ .

  
Her usual spark was watered down, she couldn’t think of a witty comeback, she just wanted her friend back and so she pushed through the pain. Even though she was dizzy she got up; taking a deep breath she said, “Then let’s finish this.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just fyi I'm also kickassfu on tumblr, if you wanna talk or anything lol


End file.
